I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
