Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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