There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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