Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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