My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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