Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
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I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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