My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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