I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
