I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
