your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you will always have a special place in my vag
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
