Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
