I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
