I just pynch a tree in the face
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
