My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
