lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
