dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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