he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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