I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
