Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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