It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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