Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
