the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
