I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
