I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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