It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
