Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
