And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
