I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
