So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
