so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hippo gnu deer
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
