Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
