I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she looked like the before picture.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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