Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
