Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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