I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
