i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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