God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
