I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hippo gnu deer
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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