Say something about gay babies.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
