STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
