I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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