it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
