Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
