i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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