i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
