ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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