So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize