It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
