pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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