OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
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I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize