i'm signing you up for texting rehab
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
