I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
