weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
