I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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whose ass print is on the piano?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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