so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
