Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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