i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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