Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
