does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
