I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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