I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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