Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
