Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
