Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
