She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
