Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
