Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
