He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
