STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
