I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
