My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
