Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
