Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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