Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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