How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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