just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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