This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
