I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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